Human instinct suggests people have self-protective mechanisms. Some call it survival of the fittest and some regard it as an evolutionary principle designed as a coping mechanism predicated on basic human needs of survival and safety. Individuals in recovery have defense mechanisms to hide or prevent others from getting too close for fear of showing others the true self.
Healthy patterns of coping with difficult situations do not distort reality, make an individual hide or run away or fear a facade being discovered. While it is not easy to be one’s true self, it is much more worthwhile to allow people to understand what is real versus what is perceived to be real but is just a cover. Letting go and opening oneself to others is a crucial part of recovery which requires trust. Some defense mechanisms are more common than others but they all promote the same unhealthy habit of holding people back from the truth.
Innocence – behaving in a way that is naive, sweet or overly innocent to avoid confrontation
Helplessness – acting innocently or asking basic questions to avoid responsibility
Withdrawing – avoiding confrontation through silence or avoidance of others
Manipulation – using others to own advantage or to get one’s own way
Sarcasm – making bitter or biting remarks in response to people in conversation to hide true feelings
Intimidation – threatening, screaming or scaring others away to keep at a distance
Joking – making jokes or laughing (sometimes at inappropriate times) to hide true feelings
Minimizing – acting as though a problem is not significant or is not a concern (learned helplessness)
Denial – inability to acknowledge or believe what is true
Agreeing easily – saying ‘yes’ when really wanting to say ‘no’ or complying without objection
Defense mechanisms develop as a pattern of behavior stemming from a dysfunctional family or inability to communicate effectively. Consider why these defenses are being used and why people are kept at a distance. Defense mechanisms are generally a way to avoid difficult emotions or feelings. Letting them go brings people closer and allows for more freedom and openness to be direct about thoughts and feelings. Emotional sobriety is about finding negative patterns and transforming them to more positive ones, changed for one’s own good as well as others. A healthy recovery is all about building a strong foundation for a long lasting and healthy recovery. When it becomes difficult to on one’s own, seek help from outside sources such as therapists, counselors or recovery specialists. The work of healing in recovery is done not alone but with the support and help of others.